new beginnings

Aaaaah... my very first post on this blog. So much pressure. How about I just pretend that I've been writing this blog forever and that everyone who is reading it already knows and loves me? Mkay? Good.

In case you don't know much about me, let me start off with an introduction. My name is Jenny Joy. Yes. Really. The last name of Joy is ironic, no? I'm a wife, a mother of four, and a web developer. In addition to all that, I've been living with anxiety and/or depression most of my life. To say that it's been a struggle is an understatement of epic proportions. I've tried just about every med on the market. I've seen many, MANY different therapists and psychiatrists. I've had tons of tests run to rule out other issues like thyroid problems, etc. Very little of it has ever been helpful. I'm starting to feel a little desperate. I'm desperate to find a way to not only cope, but also find happiness. I'm not content to just survive. I want to LIVE. I want to be happy. I want it all.

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about this blog. What do I want it to be like? How do I want it to look? What do I want to accomplish? Those are all pretty darn good questions. But, the time has come for me to throw caution to the wind, stop thinking about this blog and just DO IT already. As a web developer/designer, I should be ashamed to use a ready-made Blogger template, but what the heck? Starting this thing is WAY more important than the background graphics or the banners or the font that is being used. In this instance, action is required. So, this is my action. Note to self: just write already!

My very first topic is new beginnings and fresh starts. I've been reading other people's blogs, flipping through magazines, watching television, and everyone who is anyone is talking about clearing out, starting over, and making a new life for themselves. Damn. This is a lot of pressure, don't you think?

I keep wondering if all these changes, fresh starts and newly organized lives will really make us happier. In my case? I'm not sure. Will I REALLY be happier if my linen closet in the bathroom is completely cleaned out, with all the contents carefully organized and sorted into beautiful baskets and bins? Will that type of organzation make any difference at all? How about the pile of papers on my kitchen counters? My digital files? My underwear drawer?

The answer to all those questions: I have absolutely no idea. Maybe it's worth a try. Maybe I can grab my happy by organizing my entire house within an inch of it's life. Or maybe the key is creativity in the form of crafty projects and art? Reading more self-help books? Eating better food? Again, I don't know. I don't know. And I don't know.

I'm going to try a little bit of everything in an attempt to "grab my happy". In the coming days/weeks/months, I'm going to attempt to push out the sad, the anxiety, the fear so that I can find more happiness in my life. And I don't want to just find that happy, as if it were just laying on the side of the road. I'm going to GRAB my happy. I have to be in charge. I have to find a way to make happiness happen for me.

So, want to go on this journey with me? Want to help me figure out where happy is hiding, where I can find it, and what I can do to just GRAB it already? Follow along. The more the merrier. :)