Saturday, February 5, 2011

happy of epic proportion

Y'all, I just ran a mile. Okay, I didn't RUN it. I jogged it. A MILE. A mother f'in MILE!!!

Backstory:

I'm a big girl. I reach a whopping 5 feet, 3 inches tall. And I usually wear a size 16. And I'm exhausted all the time. And I hate to have my picture taken for any reason at all whatsoever. And I want to take my kids to the pool without having a panic attack about the swimsuit part. And I'm just really uncomfortable in my skin. And I don't want that for myself anymore.

I've been this way for a long time. I've yo-yo'ed a little bit either way, but for the most part, I've been about a size 14/16 for the last 15 years. It all started with a really unhealthy, unhappy marriage in which I found myself 1,300 miles from home with no  family, friends or support system. And since, I've always eaten my feelings. Happy? EAT. Depressed? EAT. Anxious? EAT. Truth be told, I've never managed to really turn it around.

I've had a rough day today. I'm tired of feeling limited. And sometimes, I feel downright caged. I don't want to feel that way at all. So, I decided I'm not going to. I'm going to change it.

While thinking about how in the world I could make things different, I was trying to think of something that I haven't done for a really long time... something that would make feel feel awesome and bold and unstoppable. I wanted to do something that I thought I probably couldn't do.

I said to myself, "Hey, self. What would you love to be able to do that you're afraid of? Something that you're pretty sure you'll fail at. Something that no one would believe in a million years."

And you know what self said? "RUN. Run a mile. Prove you can actually do it. Just put on your sneakers, get on the treadmill and do it already."

So, I did. I ran a whole mile. I didn't stop or walk even once. I did it, y'all. And I can't stop smiling.

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