How in the heck do I follow up yesterday's post? Ummmmm..... I dunno.
I feel quiet and small today, like a wee little mouse. But, I'm okay. Scratch that. I didn't sleep well, so I'm really tired, but otherwise, I'm feeling okay-ish. And quiet. And small.
Yesterday, the outpouring of love was pretty darn amazing. Truly. I appreciate all of it. My cell phone blew up with text messages and voicemails. My email box was full of love, too. And the comments... so sweet.
After going through the comments/texts/emails/etc., I figured a few things out.
1. I am a terrible liar. My family knew all along that I was suffering. I fooled none of them. Really? All that forced smiling and chipper-ish small talk wasn't masking it? Clueless... party of one!
2. People that I know more casually had no idea that my brain was broken. Really? Somehow I thought that my anxiety disorder was obvious to pretty much everyone, like a scar on your face or a missing digit. I guess not.
3. I am loved. I knew this to some extent, but I didn't really understand the scope of it. I think I get it now.
Those are some pretty good realizations, no?
Today will mostly be spent working (web stuff) and starting Carter's birthday cake for the weekend (the actual cake part.) I hate to be a negative Nelly, but I don't wanna. I do not want to work. I do not want to bake. But, I have a client that is desperate to get a project completed (even though she's waited until the very last minute to get me things. Grrrr...) There will be work arounds and complicated coding and other problem solving nightmares. Yuck and yuck. And then there's Carter's cake. He wants a Dr. Pepper cake. That signature Dr. Pepper red color? It's a bitch to try to achieve with basic colors. And he wants it in the shape of an aluminum can. Tall + skinny + crumbly cake = possible disaster. I'm going to try, though, because I love him. No pressure, though. Right?